2007-09-05 Rantings on love, life and school

Rantings on love, life and school – Classes started up again this week. I just keep whispering in my head, this is my last class…my last class. I just can’t believe it. After five long years, I can finally see the end. After this semester, I just have to take the project paper seminar and turn in my final paper and with a little luck, I may be able to graduate in May. There are still a lot of ifs. My current class has 4 exams and a term paper. I’m not worried about the paper, I feel that I can write well, but I’m not good with tests. I’ve never been able to regurgitate facts, especially when I have the pressure of getting it done within a limited time in the classroom. This is only the third class during my 60 class credit graduate career that I’ve had to take exams. I was able to survive them only because one exam was a take home, one could be retaken if unhappy with the score, and the third did not count many points toward the final grade. So, I do what I do best…worry. I’m convinced that my grade point average in high school and my undergrad years would have improved significantly if I didn’t have to take tests. Though it is possible that age and memory-loss has taken its toll as well.

I think I have really done something very stupid. I filled out one of those online personals ads. It was free and I was curious to see if anyone might take an interest in me. I wrote a very good ad, but they never have you fill out your weaknesses or unattractive bits. Perhaps I should note that I’m obstinate, I procrastinate when it comes to doing housework, therefore am a slob, and I really try to avoid cooking at all costs. None of the words they use to describe body types fits me. I’m not voluptuous, have a few extra pounds or am thick. I am plump and though I’d like to lose weight, it seems an unlikely event until I have more time, money or inclination. Am I being too harsh on myself?

I also check out the guys who have personals online. I’m sure they must think they are being sincere and romantic, but anytime a guy mentions “soul mate” , “looking for that someone special” or “taking long walks on a moonlit beach” it just makes me sick. Don’t they realize how cliched and hackneyed it sounds? Do they think women really want to hear that? They just come across as posers. I also have a problem with guys that can’t spell. Ever heard of SPELLCHECK?

So what am I really looking for? I’m looking for a guy friend (not necessarily a boyfriend), someone I can feel comfortable with, to hang out or call them on the phone just for a gab. I would like an escort to events so I don’t always have to go alone or with a family member. My current group of friends – guys and girls – have all gotten married and have their lives filled with spouses, children, pets and mortgages. It’s true that we see each other occasionally, but it’s down to just a couple of times during the year.

My goodness, that was quite a rant. It feels good to just get it out. Now for gardentime.

This is the time of year when my garden looks like an absolute jungle. My spring resolutions for keeping up with the weeding and pruning and cleaning have all dried up and blown away. Everything is overgrown, weedy and usually needs watering. Very shabby. The end of summer is when I tell my gardening friends (and try to convince myself) that what I really have is a “cottage garden.”

Everything is still growing and blooming. The black-eyed susan’s or rudbeckia is still going strong as is my pink phlox and perennial sweet pea. My shade plants are not doing well, especially the bear’s britches which never did bloom, though the leaves look healthy. My perennial ageratum has begun blooming as well, though it is shorter and less robust then in other years.

Now that I will be concentrating more on study, my jottings here will probably slow down, though I will try to keep it going for as long as possible.


About Jill-O

a girl who likes lakes, trees and critters; making an attempt at living the artistic life.
This entry was posted in biographical, gardening, old diary entries, school and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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