2006-07-31 Being Indecisive

Being Indecisive – I wouldn’t really call myself indecisive. There are times when I will wait until the very last minute to make a decision such as auditioning for a play or which movie to go see. However, I usually know exactly what I want and what the right thing is to do. Except my future. I have never been able to know what I want to do with my life.

I thought I knew what I wanted to do with the future when I decided, three years ago to go back to school to pursue a master’s degree in Performing Arts Administration, despite the fact that I was 48 years old at the time. Now that I am going into my last year of classes, I wonder if this is what I really want.

The current dilemma is trying to decide what to do about an internship for the summer of 2007. Despite the fact that I have 30 years of experience in every aspect of performing arts in Southwest Michigan, the governance committee has decided that I must include an internship outside of the area for a more “global awareness”.

I do understand what they are trying to do, but I have responsibilities here at home. Responsibilities like a home and mortgage payments, dependent animals and an elderly mother that needs looking after.

 can try to get an internship outside of the area, but still within commuting distance. That means long hours driving, leaving early and getting home late. There doesn’t seem to be too much to choose from. I need something prestigious enough so that the committee will overlook the fact that it isn’t in New York or Chicago.

My other option is to find an internship in an area where I have relatives or friends living. Hopefully, my friends would welcome dog, my cat and me and let us stay with them.  I’ve put feelers out, and the response has been lukewarm at best. I don’t blame them.

I just got an email from one of my ex-boyfriends living in Austin, which is a great arts town. His response to my query is: Wow. Working on the oldest living intern are we?  Actually, it’s pretty impressive. [Heh.Very true.]

He suggests several organizations, but no rooming invites. Still, he knows people and may be able to get one of his friends to put me up for a couple of months.

I keep going around and round on this but can’t get it together. I like having my life planned and organized…at least, as best as life allows me. Perhaps if I just start sending out letters and resumes the decision will take care of itself.

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About Jill-O

a girl who likes lakes, trees and critters; making an attempt at living the artistic life.
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